Senseless
Tonight I sit here at my computer because I'm too weary to really lie my head down and claim sleep. Today one of my soulsistahs lost her 16-year-old son, her only child, to senseless violence.
My heart sank as I watched part of the taping (he was shot on a CTA bus and I work for CTA and helped investigate the scene) where a kid with an automatic weapon just steps up on the bus and begins firing! And I watched in an almost out of body sensation when the tape got to the part where Blair was hit by one of the bullets.
And I did my job, for my mind didn't even want to wrap around the meaning of it all. I assisted with all the fact gathering, even did some when I arrived at the hospital where Blair was under going surgery, but once I stepped foot on the third floor where he was at, the experience was too real - was too close, for I had known his mother for many years (we attended the same grammar school) and over the last couple of years I have come to consider Annette my "sistah". Yet, when the surgeon came out and I looked into Annette's eyes - eyes that are so warm and brown and kind - and she looked lost and afraid, I knew - I knew - I KNEW that God's will was about to be done. And when I saw her run from the waiting room, I knew that the light in this sistah's eyes would be dim for some time.
How do you prepare to bury a child? Yes, I've lost a child, in the fifth month of pregnancy, and it is one of the most excruciating, unnamable emotions God has created for us to experience. Yet, you are never prepared - no matter what. My mommy always said that we are to bury our parents - not our parents bury their children.
My heart hurts so bad. Hurts bad for the man-child struck down too soon; hurts bad for his parents, whose dreams for their child have been cut short; HURTS REALLY bad for the pain my sistah has just begun to experience.
In the end, as a woman with MUCH faith, I keep repeating: God's will is always done. Yet, that does not negate the hurt, the tears, the pain I feel right now. Of course, as I know I need to head to bed and try and get some sleep, the one issue I cannot seem to get by, the image that won't escape me, is that OUR black child killed one of our black children today. And for as long as I continue to draw breath, a piece of me has dimmed with Annette.
If you are reading this and you are a praying person - pray for the peace for our young, black children! Pray for us all.
Barb
My heart sank as I watched part of the taping (he was shot on a CTA bus and I work for CTA and helped investigate the scene) where a kid with an automatic weapon just steps up on the bus and begins firing! And I watched in an almost out of body sensation when the tape got to the part where Blair was hit by one of the bullets.
And I did my job, for my mind didn't even want to wrap around the meaning of it all. I assisted with all the fact gathering, even did some when I arrived at the hospital where Blair was under going surgery, but once I stepped foot on the third floor where he was at, the experience was too real - was too close, for I had known his mother for many years (we attended the same grammar school) and over the last couple of years I have come to consider Annette my "sistah". Yet, when the surgeon came out and I looked into Annette's eyes - eyes that are so warm and brown and kind - and she looked lost and afraid, I knew - I knew - I KNEW that God's will was about to be done. And when I saw her run from the waiting room, I knew that the light in this sistah's eyes would be dim for some time.
How do you prepare to bury a child? Yes, I've lost a child, in the fifth month of pregnancy, and it is one of the most excruciating, unnamable emotions God has created for us to experience. Yet, you are never prepared - no matter what. My mommy always said that we are to bury our parents - not our parents bury their children.
My heart hurts so bad. Hurts bad for the man-child struck down too soon; hurts bad for his parents, whose dreams for their child have been cut short; HURTS REALLY bad for the pain my sistah has just begun to experience.
In the end, as a woman with MUCH faith, I keep repeating: God's will is always done. Yet, that does not negate the hurt, the tears, the pain I feel right now. Of course, as I know I need to head to bed and try and get some sleep, the one issue I cannot seem to get by, the image that won't escape me, is that OUR black child killed one of our black children today. And for as long as I continue to draw breath, a piece of me has dimmed with Annette.
If you are reading this and you are a praying person - pray for the peace for our young, black children! Pray for us all.
Barb
posted by Barbara K. @ 9:17 PM
1 Comments:
At 8:39 AM,
chitownyoyo said…
My name is Yoande McVey and I too hail from Chi-Town. I received news from Genesis yesterday that they want to publish my novel. I was excited and overjoyed - until the television news came on and the story of the bus shotting aired again - humbling me.
The day before when the story first interrupted "regular" programming my heart ached a mother's ache as I watched and learned that another of our young men had fallen - not as a "victim" - so to speak - BUT as a warrior - standing firm and protecting "the whole"; a young woman who will - mst likely - one day give birth and sustain our nation - creating more of the young man lost.
In his mother's grief, I want her to know that I too am proud of her son - our son - who carries - in his passing - the torch of true kings!
Standing on His word.
Yolande` Mcvey
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