Senseless
Tonight I sit here at my computer because I'm too weary to really lie my head down and claim sleep. Today one of my soulsistahs lost her 16-year-old son, her only child, to senseless violence.
My heart sank as I watched part of the taping (he was shot on a CTA bus and I work for CTA and helped investigate the scene) where a kid with an automatic weapon just steps up on the bus and begins firing! And I watched in an almost out of body sensation when the tape got to the part where Blair was hit by one of the bullets.
And I did my job, for my mind didn't even want to wrap around the meaning of it all. I assisted with all the fact gathering, even did some when I arrived at the hospital where Blair was under going surgery, but once I stepped foot on the third floor where he was at, the experience was too real - was too close, for I had known his mother for many years (we attended the same grammar school) and over the last couple of years I have come to consider Annette my "sistah". Yet, when the surgeon came out and I looked into Annette's eyes - eyes that are so warm and brown and kind - and she looked lost and afraid, I knew - I knew - I KNEW that God's will was about to be done. And when I saw her run from the waiting room, I knew that the light in this sistah's eyes would be dim for some time.
How do you prepare to bury a child? Yes, I've lost a child, in the fifth month of pregnancy, and it is one of the most excruciating, unnamable emotions God has created for us to experience. Yet, you are never prepared - no matter what. My mommy always said that we are to bury our parents - not our parents bury their children.
My heart hurts so bad. Hurts bad for the man-child struck down too soon; hurts bad for his parents, whose dreams for their child have been cut short; HURTS REALLY bad for the pain my sistah has just begun to experience.
In the end, as a woman with MUCH faith, I keep repeating: God's will is always done. Yet, that does not negate the hurt, the tears, the pain I feel right now. Of course, as I know I need to head to bed and try and get some sleep, the one issue I cannot seem to get by, the image that won't escape me, is that OUR black child killed one of our black children today. And for as long as I continue to draw breath, a piece of me has dimmed with Annette.
If you are reading this and you are a praying person - pray for the peace for our young, black children! Pray for us all.
Barb
My heart sank as I watched part of the taping (he was shot on a CTA bus and I work for CTA and helped investigate the scene) where a kid with an automatic weapon just steps up on the bus and begins firing! And I watched in an almost out of body sensation when the tape got to the part where Blair was hit by one of the bullets.
And I did my job, for my mind didn't even want to wrap around the meaning of it all. I assisted with all the fact gathering, even did some when I arrived at the hospital where Blair was under going surgery, but once I stepped foot on the third floor where he was at, the experience was too real - was too close, for I had known his mother for many years (we attended the same grammar school) and over the last couple of years I have come to consider Annette my "sistah". Yet, when the surgeon came out and I looked into Annette's eyes - eyes that are so warm and brown and kind - and she looked lost and afraid, I knew - I knew - I KNEW that God's will was about to be done. And when I saw her run from the waiting room, I knew that the light in this sistah's eyes would be dim for some time.
How do you prepare to bury a child? Yes, I've lost a child, in the fifth month of pregnancy, and it is one of the most excruciating, unnamable emotions God has created for us to experience. Yet, you are never prepared - no matter what. My mommy always said that we are to bury our parents - not our parents bury their children.
My heart hurts so bad. Hurts bad for the man-child struck down too soon; hurts bad for his parents, whose dreams for their child have been cut short; HURTS REALLY bad for the pain my sistah has just begun to experience.
In the end, as a woman with MUCH faith, I keep repeating: God's will is always done. Yet, that does not negate the hurt, the tears, the pain I feel right now. Of course, as I know I need to head to bed and try and get some sleep, the one issue I cannot seem to get by, the image that won't escape me, is that OUR black child killed one of our black children today. And for as long as I continue to draw breath, a piece of me has dimmed with Annette.
If you are reading this and you are a praying person - pray for the peace for our young, black children! Pray for us all.
Barb
posted by Barbara K. @ 9:17 PM
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